WHY BUSH?

I don't understand why any sane person would want George W. Bush as our next president. It's not just him. I know that. It's his whole administration. Was the last administration like this? YES. Did they change anything? NO. I just feel that this time around, there are so many horrible things going on. From the prisoner abuse, to the WMD's, trying to link Al-Queda and Saddam Hussein, the Bush family ties to Saudi Arabia and Osama Bin Laden's family, the Patriot Act I & II and the list goes on and on. Yesterday, I heard on the news that the administration is worried that the terrorist will attack this summer and that they will try to influence our elections. Well, this thing can go one of three ways:

• They could attack around the election and the current White House will be forced to suspend the election until they can get things under control. Which would be a positive for Bush.
  
• They could attack during the summer, and Bush's approval rating will soar high enough to be re-elected for another four years. Another positive for Bush.
  
• There will be no terrorist attack, and George W. Bush will lose the next election.
  

Isn't it sad when the only way that Bush is going to be re-elected is if there is a terrorist attack? I hate to speculate, but I'm sure his camp has thought of this. Is this really going to make him want to stop a terrorist attack? I should think not. He said he was going to run the white house like a business. Are you loyal to your country or your company? Which one is going to pay you more? That's all any of this really boils down to is money and power. SAD. I don't think things will ever change, but I'm not going to just sit back and bitch and moan about how bad things are. I'm going to take action. I'm going to sit here and predict the next terrorist attack, and if I'm right, they you all have to go vote for Kerry in the next election (if we have one.) READY?

August 7th, 2004

So what happens if I'm wrong? If I'm off? I'll try to finish reading Ann Coulter's book Treason. Oh, regardless of who wins(?!) I'm also going to volunteer for the democratic party, decorate my car with stickers and maybe, If I have enough time, start a website for the regime change in Washington. And if there is a terrorist attack, before you start putting those american flags on your car again, please read and be very aware of what is going on. I was totally sucked in to the wave of patriotism just after 9/11 to the point where I actually had my name put on a list at a flag store for a car flag. WOW. That is hard-core. Do not let free-speech turn into "terrorist-you-are-with-us-or-against-us" crap again.

Just for shits and giggles, here's Al Gore's speech from a few days ago:

George W. Bush promised us a foreign policy with humility. Instead, he has brought us humiliation in the eyes of the world.


He promised to "restore honor and integrity to the White House." Instead, he has brought deep dishonor to our country and built a durable reputation as the most dishonest President since Richard Nixon.


Honor? He decided not to honor the Geneva Convention. Just as he would not honor the United Nations, international treaties, the opinions of our allies, the role of Congress and the courts, or what Jefferson described as "a decent respect for the opinion of mankind." He did not honor the advice, experience and judgment of our military leaders in designing his invasion of Iraq. And now he will not honor our fallen dead by attending any funerals or even by permitting photos of their flag-draped coffins.


How did we get from September 12th , 2001, when a leading French newspaper ran a giant headline with the words "We Are All Americans Now" and when we had the good will and empathy of all the world -- to the horror that we all felt in witnessing the pictures of torture in Abu Ghraib.


To begin with, from its earliest days in power, this administration sought to radically destroy the foreign policy consensus that had guided America since the end of World War II. The long successful strategy of containment was abandoned in favor of the new strategy of "preemption." And what they meant by preemption was not the inherent right of any nation to act preemptively against an imminent threat to its national security, but rather an exotic new approach that asserted a unique and unilateral U.S. right to ignore international law wherever it wished to do so and take military action against any nation, even in circumstances where there was no imminent threat. All that is required, in the view of Bush's team is the mere assertion of a possible, future threat - and the assertion need be made by only one person, the President.


More disturbing still was their frequent use of the word "dominance" to describe their strategic goal, because an American policy of dominance is as repugnant to the rest of the world as the ugly dominance of the helpless, naked Iraqi prisoners has been to the American people. Dominance is as dominance does. Dominance is not really a strategic policy or political philosophy at all. It is a seductive illusion that tempts the powerful to satiate their hunger for more power still by striking a Faustian bargain. And as always happens - sooner or later - to those who shake hands with the devil, they find out too late that what they have given up in the bargain is their soul.


One of the clearest indications of the impending loss of intimacy with one's soul is the failure to recognize the existence of a soul in those over whom power is exercised, especially if the helpless come to be treated as animals, and degraded. We also know - and not just from De Sade and Freud - the psychological proximity between sexual depravity and other people's pain. It has been especially shocking and awful to see these paired evils perpetrated so crudely and cruelly in the name of America.
Those pictures of torture and sexual abuse came to us embedded in a wave of news about escalating casualties and growing chaos enveloping our entire policy in Iraq. But in order understand the failure of our overall policy, it is important to focus specifically on what happened in the Abu Ghraib prison, and ask whether or not those actions were representative of who we are as Americans? Obviously the quick answer is no, but unfortunately it's more complicated than that.


There is good and evil in every person. And what makes the United States special in the history of nations is our commitment to the rule of law and our carefully constructed system of checks and balances. Our natural distrust of concentrated power and our devotion to openness and democracy are what have lead us as a people to consistently choose good over evil in our collective aspirations more than the people any other nation.


Our founders were insightful students of human nature. They feared the abuse of power because they understood that every human being has not only "better angels" in his nature, but also an innate vulnerability to temptation - especially the temptation to abuse power over others. Our founders understood full well that a system of checks and balances is needed in our constitution because every human being lives with an internal system of checks and balances that cannot be relied upon to produce virtue if they are allowed to attain an unhealthy degree of power over their fellow citizens. Listen then to the balance of internal impulses described by specialist Charles Graner when confronted by one of his colleagues, Specialist Joseph M. Darby, who later became a courageous whistleblower. When Darby asked him to explain his actions documented in the photos, Graner replied: "The Christian in me says it's wrong, but the Corrections Officer says, 'I love to make a groan man piss on himself." What happened at the prison, it is now clear, was not the result of random acts by "a few bad apples," it was the natural consequence of the Bush Administration policy that has dismantled those wise constraints and has made war on America's checks and balances.


The abuse of the prisoners at Abu Ghraib flowed directly from the abuse of the truth that characterized the Administration's march to war and the abuse of the trust that had been placed in President Bush by the American people in the aftermath of September 11th.


There was then, there is now and there would have been regardless of what Bush did, a threat of terrorism that we would have to deal with. But instead of making it better, he has made it infinitely worse. We are less safe because of his policies. He has created more anger and righteous indignation against us as Americans than any leader of our country in the 228 years of our existence as a nation -- because of his attitude of contempt for any person, institution or nation who disagrees with him.
He has exposed Americans abroad and Americans in every U.S. town and city to a greater danger of attack by terrorists because of his arrogance, willfulness, and bungling at stirring up hornet's nests that pose no threat whatsoever to us. And by then insulting the religion and culture and tradition of people in other countries. And by pursuing policies that have resulted in the deaths of thousands of innocent men, women and children, all of it done in our name.


President Bush said in his speech Monday night that the war in Iraq is "the central front in the war on terror." It's not the central front in the war on terror, but it has unfortunately become the central recruiting office for terrorists. [Dick Cheney said, "This war may last the rest of our lives.] The unpleasant truth is that President Bush's utter incompetence has made the world a far more dangerous place and dramatically increased the threat of terrorism against the United States. Just yesterday, the International Institute of Strategic Studies reported that the Iraq conflict " has arguable focused the energies and resources of Al Qaeda and its followers while diluting those of the global counterterrorism coalition." The ISS said that in the wake of the war in Iraq Al Qaeda now has more than 18,000 potential terrorists scattered around the world and the war in Iraq is swelling its ranks.
The war plan was incompetent in its rejection of the advice from military professionals and the analysis of the intelligence was incompetent in its conclusion that our soldiers would be welcomed with garlands of flowers and cheering crowds. Thus we would not need to respect the so-called Powell doctrine of overwhelming force.


There was also in Rumsfeld's planning a failure to provide security for nuclear materials, and to prevent widespread lawlessness and looting.
Luckily, there was a high level of competence on the part of our soldiers even though they were denied the tools and the numbers they needed for their mission. What a disgrace that their families have to hold bake sales to buy discarded Kevlar vests to stuff into the floorboards of the Humvees! Bake sales for body armor.
And the worst still lies ahead. General Joseph Hoar, the former head of the Marine Corps, said "I believe we are absolutely on the brink of failure. We are looking into the abyss."


When a senior, respected military leader like Joe Hoar uses the word "abyss", then the rest of us damn well better listen. Here is what he means: more American soldiers dying, Iraq slipping into worse chaos and violence, no end in sight, with our influence and moral authority seriously damaged.


Retired Marine Corps General Anthony Zinni, who headed Central Command before becoming President Bush's personal emissary to the Middle East, said recently that our nation's current course is "headed over Niagara Falls."
The Commander of the 82nd Airborne Division, Army Major General Charles H. Swannack, Jr., asked by the Washington Post whether he believes the United States is losing the war in Iraq, replied, "I think strategically, we are." Army Colonel Paul Hughes, who directed strategic planning for the US occupation authority in Baghdad, compared what he sees in Iraq to the Vietnam War, in which he lost his brother: "I promised myself when I came on active duty that I would do everything in my power to prevent that ... from happening again. " Noting that Vietnam featured a pattern of winning battles while losing the war, Hughes added "unless we ensure that we have coherence in our policy, we will lose strategically."


The White House spokesman, Dan Bartlett was asked on live television about these scathing condemnations by Generals involved in the highest levels of Pentagon planning and he replied, "Well they're retired, and we take our advice from active duty officers."


But amazingly, even active duty military officers are speaking out against President Bush. For example, the Washington Post quoted an unnamed senior General at the Pentagon as saying, " the current OSD (Office of the Secretary of Defense) refused to listen or adhere to military advice." Rarely if ever in American history have uniformed commanders felt compelled to challenge their commander in chief in public.
The Post also quoted an unnamed general as saying, "Like a lot of senior Army guys I'm quite angry" with Rumsfeld and the rest of the Bush Administration. He listed two reasons. "I think they are going to break the Army," he said, adding that what really incites him is "I don't think they care."


In his upcoming book, Zinni blames the current catastrophe on the Bush team's incompetence early on. "In the lead-up to the Iraq war, and its later conduct," he writes, "I saw at a minimum, true dereliction, negligence and irresponsibility, at worst, lying, incompetence and corruption."


Zinni's book will join a growing library of volumes by former advisors to Bush -- including his principal advisor on terrorism, Richard Clarke; his principal economic policy advisor, former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill, former Ambassador Joe Wilson, who was honored by Bush's father for his service in Iraq, and his former Domestic Adviser on faith-based organizations, John Dilulio, who said, "There is no precedent in any modern White House for what is going on in this one: a complete lack of a policy apparatus. What you've got is everything, and I mean everything, run by the political arm. It's the reign of the Mayberry Machiavellis."


Army Chief of Staff General Eric Shinseki told Congress in February that the occupation could require "several hundred thousand troops." But because Rumsfeld and Bush did not want to hear disagreement with their view that Iraq could be invaded at a much lower cost, Shinseki was hushed and then forced out.
And as a direct result of this incompetent plan and inadequate troop strength, young soldiers were put in an untenable position. For example, young reservists assigned to the Iraqi prisons were called up without training or adequate supervision, and were instructed by their superiors to "break down" prisoners in order to prepare them for interrogation.


To make matters worse, they were placed in a confusing situation where the chain of command was criss-crossed between intelligence gathering and prison administration, and further confused by an unprecedented mixing of military and civilian contractor authority.


The soldiers who are accused of committing these atrocities are, of course, responsible for their own actions and if found guilty, must be severely and appropriately punished. But they are not the ones primarily responsible for the disgrace that has been brought upon the United States of America.
Private Lynndie England did not make the decision that the United States would not observe the Geneva Convention. Specialist Charles Graner was not the one who approved a policy of establishing an American Gulag of dark rooms with naked prisoners to be "stressed" and even - we must use the word - tortured - to force them to say things that legal procedures might not induce them to say.


These policies were designed and insisted upon by the Bush White House. Indeed, the President's own legal counsel advised him specifically on the subject. His secretary of defense and his assistants pushed these cruel departures from historic American standards over the objections of the uniformed military, just as the Judge Advocates General within the Defense Department were so upset and opposed that they took the unprecedented step of seeking help from a private lawyer in this city who specializes in human rights and said to him, "There is a calculated effort to create an atmosphere of legal ambiguity" where the mistreatment of prisoners is concerned."
Indeed, the secrecy of the program indicates an understanding that the regular military culture and mores would not support these activities and neither would the American public or the world community. Another implicit acknowledgement of violations of accepted standards of behavior is the process of farming out prisoners to countries less averse to torture and giving assignments to private contractors
President Bush set the tone for our attitude for suspects in his State of the Union address. He noted that more than 3,000 "suspected terrorists" had been arrested in many countries and then he added, "and many others have met a different fate. Let's put it this way: they are no longer a problem to the United States and our allies."
George Bush promised to change the tone in Washington. And indeed he did. As many as 37 prisoners may have been murdered while in captivity, though the numbers are difficult to rely upon because in many cases involving violent death, there were no autopsies.


How dare they blame their misdeeds on enlisted personnel from a Reserve unit in upstate New York. President Bush owes more than one apology. On the list of those he let down are the young soldiers who are themselves apparently culpable, but who were clearly put into a moral cesspool. The perpetrators as well as the victims were both placed in their relationship to one another by the policies of George W. Bush.
How dare the incompetent and willful members of this Bush/Cheney Administration humiliate our nation and our people in the eyes of the world and in the conscience of our own people. How dare they subject us to such dishonor and disgrace. How dare they drag the good name of the United States of America through the mud of Saddam Hussein's torture prison.


David Kay concluded his search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq with the famous verdict: "we were all wrong." And for many Americans, Kay's statement seemed to symbolize the awful collision between Reality and all of the false and fading impressions President Bush had fostered in building support for his policy of going to war.


Now the White House has informed the American people that they were also "all wrong" about their decision to place their faith in Ahmed Chalabi, even though they have paid him 340,000 dollars per month. 33 million dollars (CHECK) and placed him adjacent to Laura Bush at the State of the Union address. Chalabi had been convicted of fraud and embezzling 70 million dollars in public funds from a Jordanian bank, and escaped prison by fleeing the country. But in spite of that record, he had become one of key advisors to the Bush Administration on planning and promoting the War against Iraq.


And they repeatedly cited him as an authority, perhaps even a future president of Iraq. Incredibly, they even ferried him and his private army into Baghdad in advance of anyone else, and allowed him to seize control over Saddam's secret papers.
Now they are telling the American people that he is a spy for Iran who has been duping the President of the United States for all these years.
One of the Generals in charge of this war policy went on a speaking tour in his spare time to declare before evangelical groups that the US is in a holy war as "Christian Nation battling Satan." This same General Boykin was the person who ordered the officer who was in charge of the detainees in Guantanamo Bay to extend his methods to Iraq detainees, prisoners. ... The testimony from the prisoners is that they were forced to curse their religion Bush used the word "crusade" early on in the war against Iraq, and then commentators pointed out that it was singularly inappropriate because of the history and sensitivity of the Muslim world and then a few weeks later he used it again.


"We are now being viewed as the modern Crusaders, as the modern colonial power in this part of the world," Zinni said.
What a terrible irony that our country, which was founded by refugees seeking religious freedom - coming to America to escape domineering leaders who tried to get them to renounce their religion - would now be responsible for this kind of abuse..
Ameen Saeed al-Sheikh told the Washington Post that he was tortured and ordered to denounce Islam and after his leg was broken one of his torturers started hitting it while ordering him to curse Islam and then, " they ordered me to thank Jesus that I'm alive." Others reported that they were forced to eat pork and drink alcohol.
In my religious tradition, I have been taught that "ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so, every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit... Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them."


The President convinced a majority of the country that Saddam Hussein was responsible for attacking us on September 11th. But in truth he had nothing whatsoever to do with it. The President convinced the country with a mixture of forged documents and blatantly false assertions that Saddam was in league with Al Qaeda, and that he was "indistinguishable" from Osama bin Laden.


He asked the nation , in his State of the Union address, to "imagine" how terrified we should be that Saddam was about to give nuclear weapons to terrorists and stated repeatedly that Iraq posed a grave and gathering threat to our nation. He planted the seeds of war, and harvested a whirlwind. And now, the "corrupt tree" of a war waged on false premises has brought us the "evil fruit" of Americans torturing and humiliating prisoners.


In my opinion, John Kerry is dealing with this unfolding tragedy in an impressive and extremely responsible way. Our nation's best interest lies in having a new president who can turn a new page, sweep clean with a new broom, and take office on January 20th of next year with the ability to make a fresh assessment of exactly what our nation's strategic position is as of the time the reigns of power are finally wrested from the group of incompetents that created this catastrophe.


Kerry should not tie his own hands by offering overly specific, detailed proposals concerning a situation that is rapidly changing and unfortunately, rapidly deteriorating, but should rather preserve his, and our country's, options, to retrieve our national honor as soon as this long national nightmare is over.
Eisenhower did not propose a five-point plan for changing America's approach to the Korean War when he was running for president in 1952.


When a business enterprise finds itself in deep trouble that is linked to the failed policies of the current CEO the board of directors and stockholders usually say to the failed CEO, "Thank you very much, but we're going to replace you now with a new CEO -- one less vested in a stubborn insistence on staying the course, even if that course is, in the words of General Zinni, "Headed over Niagara Falls."
One of the strengths of democracy is the ability of the people to regularly demand changes in leadership and to fire a failing leader and hire a new one with the promise of hopeful change. That is the real solution to America's quagmire in Iraq. But, I am keenly aware that we have seven months and twenty five days remaining in this president's current term of office and that represents a time of dangerous vulnerability for our country because of the demonstrated incompetence and recklessness of the current administration.


It is therefore essential that even as we focus on the fateful choice, the voters must make this November that we simultaneously search for ways to sharply reduce the extraordinary danger that we face with the current leadership team in place. It is for that reason that I am calling today for Republicans as well as Democrats to join me in asking for the immediate resignations of those immediately below George Bush and Dick Cheney who are most responsible for creating the catastrophe that we are facing in Iraq.


We desperately need a national security team with at least minimal competence because the current team is making things worse with each passing day. They are endangering the lives of our soldiers, and sharply increasing the danger faced by American citizens everywhere in the world, including here at home. They are enraging hundreds of millions of people and embittering an entire generation of anti-Americans whose rage is already near the boiling point.


We simply cannot afford to further increase the risk to our country with more blunders by this team. Donald Rumsfeld, as the chief architect of the war plan, should resign today. His deputies Paul Wolfowitz, Douglas Feith and his intelligence chief Stephen Cambone should also resign. The nation is especially at risk every single day that Rumsfeld remains as Secretary of Defense.
Condoleeza Rice, who has badly mishandled the coordination of national security policy, should also resign immediately.


George Tenet should also resign. I want to offer a special word about George Tenet, because he is a personal friend and I know him to be a good and decent man. It is especially painful to call for his resignation, but I have regretfully concluded that it is extremely important that our country have new leadership at the CIA immediately.


As a nation, our greatest export has always been hope: hope that through the rule of law people can be free to pursue their dreams, that democracy can supplant repression and that justice, not power, will be the guiding force in society. Our moral authority in the world derived from the hope anchored in the rule of law. With this blatant failure of the rule of law from the very agents of our government, we face a great challenge in restoring our moral authority in the world and demonstrating our commitment to bringing a better life to our global neighbors.


During Ronald Reagan's Presidency, Secretary of Labor Ray Donovan was accused of corruption, but eventually, after a lot of publicity, the indictment was thrown out by the Judge. Donovan asked the question, "Where do I go to get my reputation back?" President Bush has now placed the United States of America in the same situation. Where do we go to get our good name back?


The answer is, we go where we always go when a dramatic change is needed. We go to the ballot box, and we make it clear to the rest of the world that what's been happening in America for the last four years, and what America has been doing in Iraq for the last two years, really is not who we are. We, as a people, at least the overwhelming majority of us, do not endorse the decision to dishonor the Geneva Convention and the Bill of Rights....


Make no mistake, the damage done at Abu Ghraib is not only to America's reputation and America's strategic interests, but also to America's spirit. It is also crucial for our nation to recognize - and to recognize quickly - that the damage our nation has suffered in the world is far, far more serious than President Bush's belated and tepid response would lead people to believe. Remember how shocked each of us, individually, was when we first saw those hideous images. The natural tendency was to first recoil from the images, and then to assume that they represented a strange and rare aberration that resulted from a few twisted minds or, as the Pentagon assured us, "a few bad apples."


But as today's shocking news reaffirms yet again, this was not rare. It was not an aberration. Today's New York Times reports that an Army survey of prisoner deaths and mistreatment in Iraq and Afghanisatan "show a widespread pattern of abuse involving more military units than previously known.'


Nor did these abuses spring from a few twisted minds at the lowest ranks of our military enlisted personnel. No, it came from twisted values and atrocious policies at the highest levels of our government. This was done in our name, by our leaders.
These horrors were the predictable consequence of policy choices that flowed directly from this administration's contempt for the rule of law. And the dominance they have been seeking is truly not simply unworthy of America - it is also an illusory goal in its own right.


Our world is unconquerable because the human spirit is unconquerable, and any national strategy based on pursuing the goal of domination is doomed to fail because it generates its own opposition, and in the process, creates enemies for the would-be dominator. A policy based on domination of the rest of the world not only creates enemies for the United States and creates recruits for Al Qaeda, it also undermines the international cooperation that is essential to defeating the efforts of terrorists who wish harm and intimidate Americans.


Unilateralism, as we have painfully seen in Iraq, is its own reward. Going it alone may satisfy a political instinct but it is dangerous to our military, even without their Commander in Chief taunting terrorists to "bring it on."
Our troops are stretched thin and exhausted not only because Secretary Rumsfeld contemptuously dismissed the advice of military leaders on the size of the needed force - but also because President Bush's contempt for traditional allies and international opinion left us without a real coalition to share the military and financial burden of the war and the occupation. Our future is dependent upon increasing cooperation and interdependence in a world tied ever more closely together by technologies of communications and travel. The emergence of a truly global civilization has been accompanied by the recognition of truly global challenges that require global responses that, as often as not, can only be led by the United States - and only if the United States restores and maintains its moral authority to lead.
Make no mistake, it is precisely our moral authority that is our greatest source of strength, and it is precisely our moral authority that has been recklessly put at risk by the cheap calculations and mean compromises of conscience wagered with history by this willful president.


Listen to the way Israel's highest court dealt with a similar question when, in 1999, it was asked to balance due process rights against dire threats to the security of its people:
"This is the destiny of democracy, as not all means are acceptable to it, and not all practices employed by its enemies are open before it. Although a democracy must often fight with one hand tied behind its back, it nonetheless has the upper hand. Preserving the Rule of Law and recognition of an individual's liberty constitutes an important component in its understanding of security. At the end of the day they (add to) its strength."


The last and best description of America's meaning in the world is still the definitive formulation of Lincoln's annual message to Congress on December 1, 1862:
"The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise - with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew. We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country. Fellow citizens, we cannot escape history...the fiery trial through which we pass will light us down in honor or dishonor to the latest generation...We shall nobly save, or meanly lose the last best hope of earth...The way is plain, peaceful, generous, just - a way which, if followed, the world will forever applaud, and God must forever bless."


It is now clear that their obscene abuses of the truth and their unforgivable abuse of the trust placed in them after 9/11 by the American people led directly to the abuses of the prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison and, we are now learning, in many other similar facilities constructed as part of Bush's Gulag, in which, according to the Red Cross, 70 to 90 percent of the victims are totally innocent of any wrongdoing.
The same dark spirit of domination has led them to - for the first time in American history - imprison American citizens with no charges, no right to see a lawyer, no right to notify their family, no right to know of what they are accused, and no right to gain access to any court to present an appeal of any sort. The Bush Admistration has even acquired the power to compel librarians to tell them what any American is reading, and to compel them to keep silent about the request - or else the librarians themselves can also be imprisoned.


They have launched an unprecedented assault on civil liberties, on the right of the courts to review their actions, on the right of the Congress to have information to how they are spending the public's money and the right of the news media to have information about the policies they are pursuing.


The same pattern characterizes virtually all of their policies. They resent any constraint as an insult to their will to dominate and exercise power. Their appetite for power is astonishing. It has led them to introduce a new level of viciousness in partisan politics. It is that viciousness that led them to attack as unpatriotic, Senator Max Cleland, who lost three limbs in combat during the Vietnam War.
The president episodically poses as a healer and "uniter". If he president really has any desire to play that role, then I call upon him to condemn Rush Limbaugh - perhaps his strongest political supporter - who said that the torture in Abu Ghraib was a "brilliant maneuver" and that the photos were "good old American pornography," and that the actions portrayed were simply those of "people having a good time and needing to blow off steam."


This new political viciousness by the President and his supporters is found not only on the campaign trail, but in the daily operations of our democracy. They have insisted that the leaders of their party in the Congress deny Democrats any meaningful role whatsoever in shaping legislation, debating the choices before us as a people, or even to attend the all-important conference committees that reconcile the differences between actions by the Senate and House of Representatives.
The same meanness of spirit shows up in domestic policies as well. Under the Patriot Act, Muslims, innocent of any crime, were picked up, often physically abused, and held incommunicado indefinitely. What happened in Abu Ghraib was difference not of kind, but of degree.


Differences of degree are important when the subject is torture. The apologists for what has happened do have points that should be heard and clearly understood. It is a fact that every culture and every politics sometimes expresses itself in cruelty. It is also undeniably true that other countries have and do torture more routinely, and far more brutally, than ours has. George Orwell once characterized life in Stalin's Russia as "a boot stamping on a human face forever." That was the ultimate culture of cruelty, so ingrained, so organic, so systematic that everyone in it lived in terror, even the terrorizers. And that was the nature and degree of state cruelty in Saddam Hussein's Iraq.


We all know these things, and we need not reassure ourselves and should not congratulate ourselves that our society is less cruel than some others, although it is worth noting that there are many that are less cruel than ours. And this searing revelation at Abu Ghraib should lead us to examine more thoroughly the routine horrors in our domestic prison system.


But what we do now, in reaction to Abu Ghraib will determine a great deal about who we are at the beginning of the 21st century. It is important to note that just as the abuses of the prisoners flowed directly from the policies of the Bush White House, those policies flowed not only from the instincts of the president and his advisors, but found support in shifting attitudes on the part of some in our country in response to the outrage and fear generated by the attack of September 11th.
The president exploited and fanned those fears, but some otherwise sensible and levelheaded Americans fed them as well. I remember reading genteel-sounding essays asking publicly whether or not the prohibitions against torture were any longer relevant or desirable. The same grotesque misunderstanding of what is really involved was responsible for the tone in the memo from the president's legal advisor, Alberto Gonzalez, who wrote on January 25, 2002, that 9/11 "renders obsolete Geneva's strict limitations on questioning of enemy prisoners and renders quaint some of its provisions."


We have seen the pictures. We have learned the news. We cannot unlearn it; it is part of us. The important question now is, what will we do now about torture. Stop it? Yes, of course. But that means demanding all of the facts, not covering them up, as some now charge the administration is now doing. One of the whistleblowers at Abu Ghraib, Sergeant Samuel Provance, told ABC News a few days ago that he was being intimidated and punished for telling the truth. "There is definitely a coverup," Provance said. "I feel like I am being punished for being honest."
The abhorrent acts in the prison were a direct consequence of the culture of impunity encouraged, authorized and instituted by Bush and Rumsfeld in their statements that the Geneva Conventions did not apply. The apparent war crimes that took place were the logical, inevitable outcome of policies and statements from the administration.
To me, as glaring as the evidence of this in the pictures themselves was the revelation that it was established practice for prisoners to be moved around during ICRC visits so that they would not be available for visits. That, no one can claim, was the act of individuals. That was policy set from above with the direct intention to violate US values it was to be upholding. It was the kind of policy we see - and criticize in places like China and Cuba.


Moreover, the administration has also set up the men and women of our own armed forces for payback the next time they are held as prisoners. And for that, this administration should pay a very high price. One of the most tragic consequences of these official crimes is that it will be very hard for any of us as Americans - at least for a very long time - to effectively stand up for human rights elsewhere and criticize other governments, when our policies have resulted in our soldiers behaving so monstrously. This administration has shamed America and deeply damaged the cause of freedom and human rights everywhere, thus undermining the core message of America to the world.


President Bush offered a brief and half-hearted apology to the Arab world - but he should apologize to the American people for abandoning the Geneva Conventions. He also owes an apology to the U.S. Army for cavalierly sending them into harm's way while ignoring the best advice of their commanders. Perhaps most importantly of all, he should apologize to all those men and women throughout our world who have held the ideal of the United States of America as a shining goal, to inspire their hopeful efforts to bring about justice under a rule of law in their own lands. Of course, the problem with all these legitimate requests is that a sincere apology requires an admission of error, a willingness to accept responsibility and to hold people accountable. And President Bush is not only unwilling to acknowledge error. He has thus far been unwilling to hold anyone in his administration accountable for the worst strategic and military miscalculations and mistakes in the history of the United States of America.


He is willing only to apologize for the alleged erratic behavior of a few low-ranking enlisted people, who he is scapegoating for his policy fiasco.
In December of 2000, even though I strongly disagreed with the decision by the U.S. Supreme Court to order a halt to the counting of legally cast ballots, I saw it as my duty to reaffirm my own strong belief that we are a nation of laws and not only accept the decision, but do what I could to prevent efforts to delegitimize George Bush as he took the oath of office as president.


I did not at that moment imagine that Bush would, in the presidency that ensued, demonstrate utter contempt for the rule of law and work at every turn to frustrate accountability...


So today, I want to speak on behalf of those Americans who feel that President Bush has betrayed our nation's trust, those who are horrified at what has been done in our name, and all those who want the rest of the world to know that we Americans see the abuses that occurred in the prisons of Iraq, Afghanistan, Guantanamo and secret locations as yet undisclosed as completely out of keeping with the character and basic nature of the American people and at odds with the principles on which America stands.


I believe we have a duty to hold President Bush accountable - and I believe we will. As Lincoln said at our time of greatest trial, "We - even we here - hold the power, and bear the responsibility."

Some days, I wish I could just disappear. I might elaborate later, or not. I don't know. BLAH.

Jesus Cut Me Off Today

I was driving on the on-ramp for the I-15 today, and this black SUV totally cut me off. The licence plate said CHRIST. Ha! Made my day.

Bullies

When I was in Jr. High, guys used to think it was fun to "flip" pennies at the girls. Of course, they liked to "flip" pennies at hookers as well, so you figure out what that meant. I don't know if you've ever been hit by a penny when it's going really fast, but it really hurts. I found myself in a flashback today. I was at work, and I work in a cash cage strictly for employees. I usually trade in tips for the bartenders so they don't have to walk around with four hundred dollars in ones in their pocket. I did that for someone today, and when I turned around to count his money, I heard this lound "PANG" but decided to ignore it, because I knew what they were trying to do (they are a little juvenile) so I didn't want to encourage them. I didn't really think they could shoot the coin through the little hole that I deal with them through. Did that make sense? Oh well. All of a sudden this penny whizzes past my head and leaves a dent in the wall. I then turned around and they were just as supriszed as I was. They started apologizing and I just turned around and continued to count their money, and I realized that that event really upset me. I was actually holding back tears. Talk about drudging up old memories. Not to mention that Jr. High was the worst years of my life so far. Looking back on the incident that just happened a few minutes ago, he could have really hit me in the eye. WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOME MEN!!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE AT WORK!!!!!!!!!!! I have lost all respect for them now. I'm sure they're hurt. /sarcastic



I found this really great internet radio station at Accu Radio.com Click on Stations and Modern Rock Clasics: The 90's Grunge and Later. Radiohead, Smashing Pumpkins, Cibo Mato, Portishead, Liz Phair, Moby, Bush and the freaking list goes on. I love it.



I'll have a story to tell once school is over. It's not about school, but it's rather a long one that I have to put some effort into and I just won't have the motivation until I've finished taking my Physics Final.

First Day Back

It was my first day back at Star Trek: The Experience today. It was pretty cool. Cash control is totally different, as is our job. I'll actually be working alot more than I originally thought. So to all those people who thought that I'd have all this free time to chat on the internet, I won't. I will have some downtime, but not much. The damn ticket scanner still doesn't work. But this time, it's kind of funny. I balanced both my deposit and the vault even though I hadn't worked in CC since 11/02.

We (Me, Brandon and his brother) went to Brian Head this weekend. It was a little slushy in parts, but still pretty fun. I did take quite a fall though. Nothing is broken, but I have a bruised rib (at least that's what I think it is; it hurts only on one side when I enhale or exhale too fast), knocked my head on the ice/snow, and knocked the wind out of myself. But my knight in shining armor came running halfway up the hill to rescue me. I was all jacked up. That happened to me only my second run, but I still skied the whole rest of the day, making sure that we got on every lift that was open, and on every run we could (that wasn't too steep for me because I was kind of scared of going too fast.) Brandon and his brother were snowboarding and they were doing tricks and stuff. Mmmmmmm.... Hot snowboarder boyfriend. We stayed at this really cool little motel the Abbey Inn. Most hotels offer a "continental" breakfast usually consisting of sweet bread thing, coffee/tea and some sort of fruit. Not here. They had a full on breakfast "house." They had scrambled eggs, toast, bagels, bacon, sausage, waffles, oatmeal and three different kinds of cereals. Plus fresh fruit. FREE. That's right folks, FREE. Our hotel stay was $55 and it included the meal. All the rooms had microwaves and refridgerators in them. The bathroom had a heat lamp. (mmmmm.... HEAT) There was eleven million channels on the TV and even the beds were comfortable. The only problem I had with the room was that the freaking pillows were crappy. Other than that, one of the best motels I've ever stayed at. And I've stayed at alot of motels (being the whore that I am.)

Hey Tara? Are you reading this? Are you still there? Give me a call sometime..

Same goes for you too, Andy.

And Christa.

And Jeff.

And anyone else who wants to drop me a line.

I really am coming up to Edmonton this summer. I'll be spending like four days there. Brandon and I are celebrating our 2 year anniversary researching each other's past and seeing where we both come from. He was born in Los Angeles but moved up to northern Cali shortly after that. So we'll be going to visit his mom, step-dad and his grandmother. I hope to be able to introduce him to as many family memebers and friends as I can while I'm in Edmonton, so everyone clear your calenders.

I can't believe that I didn't write about my trip to Grand Slam! I'm totally out of it. It was fun! I'll eventually get pictures up of it, you all know how I am. I got to meet Brent Spiner (to those of you non-nerds, the guy who plays Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation). It was the first time since I've been going to conventions that he's ever signed anything for anyone. There's usually this huge disclaimer from Creation Entertainment stating that "Brent Spiner does not sign autographs so please, no personal questions or questions about why he doesn't sign autographs." Not an exact quote, but pretty close. It was good to see Paul and Ralph! And of course, wollem and her crew! I had some friends get to take a tour of the Enterprise sets! If you want to read their story, you'll have to register for their BB. Just go to House of Tucker and go to the Trip! page and that should be the first posting. Great stuff.

Speaking of Enterprise, IT'S GETTING REALLY GOOD, for those of you keeping track. They've really stepped it up this season, for fear of being cancled. They changed it's time-slot. It's on Wed. @ 9pm instead of 8pm, so eveyone needs to change their VCRs.

So anyhoo, that's all from this end. Smell ya later...

New Stuff

So, I quit the Aladdin. They suck. Bastards.

I have my job back at Star Trek: The Experience! WHEEEEE! I guess they laid (layed?) so many people off that they've been trying to play catch up ever since. I will be working my old job in cash control, so everyone get ready for an extended online presence on the Trek BBS.

I won the local UPN contest to attend the Grand Opening of the new Borg Invasion 4D at the Experience. Free bar, free food, free first ride. It was fun. I didn't like the simulator part of the new ride as much as the interactive part of the first ride (if that makes any sense) but it was still fun.

I've gotten terrible marks on both of my Physics exams, but my teacher thinks I'm doing very well considering I've gotten above the class average in both cases. (Class average 1st test: 68% 2nd test: 61%) My Philosophy of religion teacher is convinced that everything has come from Christianity. That gets really old. Other than that, school is great!

I'm going skiing this weekend at Brian Head. Maybe we'll actually take pictures this time of us on skis.

Dude, I'm totally stoked to be here...

Oh dude. I was totally shredin' on the board, and when it got squirly on me I just fell flat on my ass. Yes that's right. I went SNOWBOARDING! It was hard. I ache all over. I fell about 50 times. It was snowing pretty hard at Lee Canyon though, so we had some padding to land on. Not to mention the padding on my fat ass. I had ghetto-ass overalls. Brandon talked me out of buying new ones at Sport Chalet last night, but they SUCK. They don't keep my ass dry, holes exist in many places leaving the white inside non-waterpoof exposed, and I have to use safety pins to keep them up because the zipper is totally broken. Not to mention that they are at least one size too big. It sort of reminded me of when I was in high school and all the cool kids had all the really nice clothes. Designer jeans (like Esprit, Guess, Mossimo, Gasoline - remember those guys?) and all I had was levis. Levis were sort of cool too, but not nearly as cool as those ones previously mentioned. Needless to say... when I get my tax return this week, I will be heading to a sports store where I will be buying goggles, a new touque, new snow pants and possible a new winter jacket. Back to the actual sport.... Brandon and his brother(Damian) were really good at it. They went on the big hill, while me and Pam (Damian's friend) sucked. Well no, we didn't suck but we both were better on skis. She used to figure skate and she roller skates all the time now, so I can kind of tell why we're both better at skiing. The boots for showboarding are much more comfy. Oops. Gotta go study. I have two tests in the next two days.

"Mind Blowing" Party

So most of the marketing people from the Aladdin and all of the other casinos on the strip were invited to a private party at Steve Wyrick's house last Tuesday. Open bar, food and lots of people. There was a chocolate fountain. That's right, a chocolate fountain. It was surrounded by pretzles, strawberries, and various other delightful things that people like to dip in chololate and you just ran it under the fountain, waited for it to dry for a couple of seconds and then you had chocolate covered something. That was pretty cool. I'm pretty easily amused, hey? So we got the whole run of his house. We were allowed to go anywhere. He only had a two bedroom house in a "Country Club" sort of place, no pool, no hot tub. But he had a killer bathroom in the master bedroom. His shower was as big as the bathroom in my bedroom. He had a jacuzzi tub in the center of his bathroom with dual sinks on both sides. Decorated very plainly but he may have just put stuff away so that creeps like us didn't steal anything. It was fun. He had an amazing view as well. It overlooked the golf course, and the Strip. I can only hope to be able to afford something like that in my life.

I got summoned for jury duty again. This time it's Federal Court. DA DA DA! Maybe I'll get the Sandy Murphy trail. You know, the one who supposedly killed her husband and billionaire Ted Binion. I doubt it.

I'm going to balance my check book now. WHEEEEE

I'm done.

You know, at every job that i've been at, i've always had a decent time until something triggers the inevitable moment where I realize that I'm done. This moment is one of severe frustration mixed with total indifference, then add a pinch of helplessness and anxiety and voila! I had that moment at work today. I was surprised that it actually took this long to happen. When I was working at Star Trek, that moment came about 8 months after I started working there. I've been at the Aladdin for just over a year. I'm going to explain the situation just because I have to vent.

So, this all started a couple weeks ago when I was interviewing for a new job within the department that I'm currently working in. It was higher pay, less "customer service" kind of job. I would have my own cubicle and would get to work with Excel and Word all day long. The perfect sort of job where I'd have something to do with my day. Anyhoo, I was having my second interview which I think I mentioned in a previos post and my boss was surprised and slightly appalled that I had never been to the Aladdin's Orientation.

*flashback to 1 year ago*
Not only did they forget about me at the job fair (they locked me in the Aladdin Theater for the Performing Arts) after getting me ready for the second interview for the Slot Promotions Representative, but They also forgot to schedule me for orientation. I mentioned it to my supervisor, and she said that she'd take care of it. When I wasn't ever told about it again, I didn't figure it was that big of a deal. I figured that HR would give me a call if Orientation was really a life or death situation.

*flashback to present*
So my interview with the Director is now focused on the fact that I never went to Orientation.

"Did you tell anyone?" He asked.
"Of course I did," I said, "I told [the supervisor] about it a week after my probationary period."
"And what did she say?" He asked.
"She said that 'she would take care of it'" I said.
"And did she?" He asked.
WELL OBVIOUSLY NOT YOU FUCKING MORON, OR ELSE WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS FUCKING CONVERSATION.
"Um, no, I didn't go to orientation." I said, trying to leave the sarcasm out of my voice.
At this point, I started to feel the job slip from my grasp. I also started to feel the conversation start to go in circles.
"Did you know that as an Aladdin employee, it is required that you attend orientation?"
"Well, I just figured that if it were that big of a deal, and I missed it, that HR would contact me to make another appointment." I said.
"So how come you didn't come directly to me if [your supervisor] failed to do something about it?" He asked.
I really wanted to tell him that in my first month of being at a job, going over your supervisor's head was something that you just didn't do. I also wanted to tell him that I really wasn't being paid to be a supervisor watchdog either. So I said, "I really didn't think It was that big of a deal for the director of Marketing to become involved."
"Orientation is a very important part of being an employee here at the Aladdin." He said.
"Ok," I said, "So will you help me arrange another orientation?"
"FOR SURE." He said. Emphasis mine.
"You won't forget?" I asked.
"Oh no, we'll most definately get this taken care of right away." He promised.

That was three weeks ago, and yep, you guessed it. NO ORIENTATION. And I'm not going to look into it. I'm not going to fucking chase down the people of HR and demand that they let me into their next orientation session or else I'm not a whole person. I DON'T CARE.

So today, this new guy gets called down into the directors office and gets yelled at for not attending orientation. He wasn't made aware that his orientation was even scheduled, and when he came back upstairs, he looked at the calender and realized that the orientation was actually for next Thursday, not yesterday. SO he was yelled at for no reason. For something that's "So Important" but not necessarily important enough to "...get this taken care of right away." I know this seems really small, but then it snowballed. I started thinking about how bad sales have been lately, how bad morale among our crew is and how no one really cares what happens with our department. It just seemed like our Director was in a bad mood and wanted to personally intimidate someone who was new so that he could feel better about this whole Superbowl mess. Deflecting his anger. That's great. So it's a perpetual cycle where he gets mad that our sales aren't up, and yells at the leads and supervisors. They in turn get down our throats and we all hate them. Then we don't care about how business does, because all our Director cares about is the numbers. Then you start to feel like a cog in the big giant corporate machine and voila! Back to the beginging of this whole rant. You know what my lead said when I told her exacly what I was thinking and that we should all have a meeting with our Director? She said, "It's the same everywhere, so you'll just have to stop whining and just live with it." What a sad state. Do we really live in a country where if something is not right that we just bend over and take it up the ass? That's exactly what it looks like. So now, I walk into the Aladdin without care or motivation to do anything beyond what my job entails. If they want me to be "pretend lead" and close when one of their leads is sick or has time off, but not pay me extra? Sorry, no. Above and beyond the call of duty? Hell no. Fuck the Aladdin.

Next Post: Steve Wyrick's party. "With Mind Blowing Magic!" (not really)

I'm a stalker

Sometimes, I really do feel like a stalker. That is all.

Things to Read

I've been really into reading some hard-core books lately. Not sex hard-core, but politics hard-core. I read, "Dude, Where's my country?" by Michael Moore. He asks some very important questions that were not answered about the War In Iraq and the propaganda leading up to that war. I've gotten about half way through David Icke's "Alice In Wonderland and the World Trade Center Disaster" and I'm currently reading "LIES (And the LYING LYARS Who Tell Them)" by Al Franken. Can you tell which way I lean? In all fairness, I really did try to watch the O'Reilly factor tonight and he does have some good points. But god forbid anyone dissagrees with him. He is always right, and he'll outright lie or make shit up just to make himself look better. For all the proof regarding those allegations, please read that book I just mentioned by Al Franken. It will totally open your eyes. I've also vowed to read Ann Coulter's book, even though Al Franken refers to her as a "nutcase." I usually get really riled up during years where I will eventually get to vote for the next president (and I will vote for anyone who is not Bush.)

So my Physics class is showing promise. I actually understand everything so far, and the teacher seems to know what he's talking about. Isn't our education in a sad state when we can't actully trust that teachers will know what the hell they're talking about when you are paying for a class? You have to wonder every semester if you are really going to get a good education or not. Of course, I've paid for nothing this semester due to my Scholarship, but that runs out after this semester. My philosophy of religion teacher is an old, white christian man, but he doesn't seem so bad. I don't get the feeling that he's going to proselytize or anything. One of our assignments is to go to a church that we are not familiar with at all, and it can't be a christian church, and do a 5 page paper on our experience. Heather is taking the class with me, and I think we're going to go to a Hindu temple, or figure out what Ba'hai is. (I probably didn't even spell that right.)


SHE BANGS! SHE BANGS! WHoa. Sorry. American Idol moment.

We have this new guy at our work. He's a 40 year old gay jewish guy who had gastrointestinal bipass surgury a year ago and has lost 150 pounds. You know, we never get anyone normal. It certainly makes things interesting. Like take a look at (before you click on this link, it's Not Safe For Work)this. YUP. I work with that guy as well. No, I'm not kidding. He's one of the few down to earth people that I know at that job, plus he's a really nice guy.

OH! I got invited to a private party at Steve Wyrick's house next week. All the people that deal with the public are invited to his private home to, I don't quite know. You better belive I'm going. I went to see him when he was playing at the Sahara, and man, was it awful. I went this one time with my Uncles and we were all just laughing the whole time. I've heard that the show is no better at the Aladdin. I wonder if his show will stay when the Aladdin turns into Planet Hollywood. I guess we'll see. I'll let you know how the party went, and I'm going to try to smuggle in a camera, so we'll see what happens.

Columbia

So when I opened up my Physics text book, guess what the first page said?

We dedicate this book to the courageous astronauts who died on the space shuttle Columbia on February 1, 2003. The women and men of the international team lost their lives not in a contest between countries or a struggle for necessities but in advancing one of humankind's noblest creations - science.

Yeah, I had tears in my eyes. And no doubt in my mind as to my chosen occupation. I went for a job interview to be our director of marketings' assistant. I even got a second interview. I didn't get it, but that whole situation made me realize that I'm really not made out for corporate america. I think the sentence that made my director not chose me for the job was, "I always belive in giving people a second chance. If someone does something wrong, and they are told it is wrong they should get the chance to redo or make it up somehow. I guess that I believe that if we are open and honest with other people, they will do the right thing and be open and honest with us." That sentence of course does not apply to killers, child molesters or rapists, but you get the idea. I'm just too honest for a corporate job. Or as most people would say, naive. You really have to be a shark. You have to be willing to be on the lookout to document whomever is in your way so you can get them fired so that they are no longer in the way anymore. All of the questions that I was asked in the second interview that I had had nothing to do with what my job would have been. They had to do with who was doing what to whom, and who was smoking when they weren't supposed to be. It seemed like my boss was just looking for the ammo he needed to have an excuse to lay people off. Man, I really hate my job sometimes. On that note, I'm going to my real job: Physics 180 - YEAH BABY, YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!1

WOW! October!

Boy am I a bad "blogger" hey? I did get all A's again this semester, which is amazing considering I moved and all. I just had a job interview today to be our department's directors assistant. It would pay $13/hr which is much better than the $9.55/hr that I'm making now. Did you know that we get paid the least of all of the people that work at the Aladdin? Pretty sad, isn't it?



I'm taking Physics and a Philosophy course next semester. I'll be taking the Philosophy course with my roomate, which is really cool. My roomates are just cool anyway. Living on my own is most definately an eye-opening experience. Paying more than one bill? WOW. Never did that before.



Christmas and New Years was great. I did have to work on all the major holidays though which kind of sucked. I got contact lenses again because I got sick of seeing the outline of my glasses.



My friend Andy won a trip to Las Vegas on New Years, so finally after me being here for five and a half years, he's finally going to come and see me! I've been back to Edmonton 3 times. Yes, I am keeping count. Oh my god. My 10 year high school reuinion is in 3 years. I started to feel a little older during school this year. In my psychology class we had to come up with a theme song for ourselves. After much deliberation, I chose "Are You Gonna Go My Way," by Lenny Kravitz. As far as I knew, EVERYONE knew that song. It was on the top of the charts for weeks, they played it at every high school dance, at every night club, and it was on the radio every 5 minutes. When I played it for the class, most of the people were too young to remember that song being popular. OUCH. I really need to finish college, this is getting depressing.



Brandon and I are still planning on coming up to Edmonton in the summer, but we decided to take a car instead of an RV. It will be faster, cheaper and easier. Kind of like the plan that NASA came up with.



Speaking of NASA, we'll see if good ol' Dubya keeps his promise about space travel. He'll probably promise all the exclusive building contracts on the Moon to Haliburton, Enron, Exxon and every other company that he happens to personally endorse. Am I bitter? You better belive it.



So I don't know when the next time is that you'll hear from me. Maybe if I don't try to make an effort to write here, i'll write here more often. But then i'll know deep down that i've used that reverese psychology to try to get myself to write here more, and i'll end up waiting another 6 months. But then knowing THAT maybe i'll trick myself again and eventually write here more often. OH GOd, I need to go to sleep.

No....... Stressssss....... Please..........

Ok, quick rundown of what's going on right now...



Jeff, I just got your address! I know you probably sent it months ago, but I must have deleted the email about the guestbook entry thinking it was spam. I'm going to get on those picutres tonight!

Happy birthday to Andy! And Andy, if you're reading this, I need your freakin address too, you bastard. God knows where you are now.

Speaking of addresses, I'm getting a new one as well. On Nov. 1st, I'll be leaving the nest and moving in with my 2 friends, Heather and James! I'm so excited! I figured that I'd better be out and on my own by the time I'm 25. Not that there's anything wrong with living at home when you're 25, but it was a goal that I set up for myself that I'm really trying hard to follow. When I get my new address, I will let all of y'all know so that you can continue to not send me stuff. ;)

I got 92 on my first Chemistry test and 88 on my first Astronomy test. The Astronomy test was all multiple choice, I HATE THAT! I really like partial credit. I've gotten A's on my Psychology papers (3 so far) and on all 3 Psychology tests. But he's let us have the books on those AND work in groups. I have the coolest teachers of all. So if you're planning on going to CCSN (Community College of Southern Nevada) and want some reccomendations, here goes:

• Math: Tina Roldan
  
• Chemistry: Carolyn Collins Lab; Marion Hammond
  
• Political Science: Earnest Bracey
  
• Astronomy: David Batchelor
  
• Anthropology: Kevin Rafferty
  
• Sociology/Psychology: Ray Rich
  

Those are the teachers that have really stuck out amongst the sea of crap that I've waded through in the last 3 years of CCSN. Those teachers should get you through your basic requirements.

Ok, I've got to go work on homework, Jeff's pictures, going to the gym, reserving the U-Haul, programming the VCR (for Enterprise, which is really good this season), and maybe packing a box or two considering I'm moving out in less than 3 weeks! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Stress

School is hard. Chemistry is hard. Right now, life is pretty hard. But I guess it ain't worth livin' if you ain't freakin' out every minute of the day. The only real day off that I have all week is Sunday. No school or work on that day. Want to know my Schedule? Here it is:

Monday: Chemistry 12:30pm-1:50pm. Pick Mom up from work 5pm.

Tuesday: Sleep in day. (not this week though, I had to go into my prof's office hours to get some extra tutoring.) Pick mom up at 4pm. Weight watchers at 6pm. (Down 21.6 pounds - YEY) Astronomy 7:30pm-8:50pm.

Wednesday: Chemistry Lab 9am-12pm. Chemistry 12:30pm-1:50pm. Work 2:30pm-10:30pm.

Thursday: Work 9am-5pm (what a way to make a livin') Astronomy 7:30pm-8:50pm.

Friday: Psychology 9:30am-12:20pm. Work 3:30pm-11:30pm.

Saturday: Work 3:30pm-11:30pm.

Sunday: OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....Brandon........mmmmm.......... Brandon........

So there's my week if anyone cares. I guess it doesn't seem that bad after all. But all four of my classes are homework intensive to the point where I spend all my free time on Monday and Tuesday doing homework.

On a sad note: Heather's dog Edward Wiener had to be taken to the vet today and kept overnight. He seems to have ingested something toxic, and his liver enzymes are at like 500. They're supposed to be at 150. He's only a year old. He's be ok. But if anyone wants to send out extra good thoughts for him, I'd really appreciate it. I'm sure Heather and James would too.

More later when I have some time.... HA [/Alf]

I know...

What is the point of having a weblog, if you don't fucking use it?! It's the first day of school, and finally, I have time to sit down and write something. I really do hate writing, but I like talking. Isn't that vieeeerrrrrd.

As you can probably tell, I don't have the pictures up from Sabrina's wedding yet. I swear, I took like 8 vacations this summer, not to mention random jaunts to Cali and various other close sights. I told Jeff I was going to get the pictures on disk and send them to him, but I don't have his new address. Didn't you and Julie move recently? If you are reading this, send me an email with you new address, and I really will send you those photos. Promise. :D

I am so inspired by school this year. Last year I was way less enthused to be heading back to school, but I feel really good about this semester. I'm taking 3 classes. Astronomy 104: Stars and Galaxies; Psychology 270: Psychology through film; and Chemistry 122: Which doesn't have an interesting title so I won't bother. ;) One of the huge things that I did this summer was go and visit my college of choice that I'm planning on transferring to next fall. Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, AZ will be my home for 2 years (on and off, of course). It's taken me so long to freakin finish school. I guess I had to find myself along the way. I guess most people save that for their mid-life crisis: NOT ME! I had my mid 20 something crisis, and now, I'm ready to face the world. You wouldn't believe how many people my age put off their emotional well-being by drowning themselves in school, work, bad relationships, and the like, and wonder how they can be so unhappy even though they have their college degree. I'm not saying that my way is better, I'm saying that it was better for me. I don't think I would have been able to handle real college right out of high school or even 3 years out of high school. Or even 5 years out of high school.... YIKES!

Speaking of High School, It's been roughly 6 years since we all graduated! :O That is insane. The time passes so quickly. It's funny, but people still look the same to me. Tara and Bootie came to Vega$ last week, and it was just like old times. We attached crab arms to Jean-Luc Picard and acted like dorks. It feels good to laugh like that. When I was considering Universities, I was considering moving back to Edmonton and going to U of A. I was really contemplating it. But it's too far away, and the opportunities for advancement in my field are much greater here in the USA, so the idea was quashed. Plus, U of A charges a million dollars more than the college I'm currently attending, so why not just stay here.

This totally cheered up my semester! I got a scholarship for $1500! It's called the "John Glenn Scholarship" (for those of you that don't know, he was the first astronaut to orbit around the earth). $1500 doesn't sound like alot, but it will pay my way for the rest of my time here in Vegas. It covers books and tuition, so I can get all the books that are recommended not just required! Yes, I am a geek. I actually felt like a geek when in my Astronomy class today my teacher asked if anyone owned a telescope, and I was the only one who put up my hand. Then he asked a little while later if anyone was an Astronomy major. You guessed it, I was the only one. DIEPPE. Oh well, if you are a geek in the Astronomy/Phyiscs field and you don't know what a dilithium crystal is, you're really screwed. Sometimes, I really do feel like the comic book guy from the Simpsons. Biggest. Geek. Ever.

Speaking of Star Trek, the convention was fun. Our Vircon Vega$ group met up from the Trek BBS and we had wild and zany times. The action figures were a little much at times, but it was all in good fun. Seeing everone again was really cool too. God knows when I'll have the pictures up from that little event.

Brandon and I celebrated our one year aniv. in San Diego. We decided to drive to Victorville Friday night, and then the rest of the way on Saturday morning. If it weren't for the assholes that were partying in the room next to us, we would have been on the road at like 9am. I swear, how lame is it for people in Cali to be partying at a Motel 6 at 4am? LOSERS. The funny part was, that they were the type who would look like they'd get in at the VIP or something at an upscale club. They finally toned it down when for the third time they were asked by me( the first two times, the front desk lady came up to tell them to quiet down) with my crazy morning hair, no bra and racoon mascarra eyes, to please quiet it down because we had to drive in the morning. They really did shut up. I must have looked really bad. Or seemed really pissed off. On Saturday, we went to see his Uncle Steve (not to be confused with my Uncle Steve) and his Aunt Francine. They were really nice, and in the best tradition of family, put us to work in his front yard. :) He was cutting down some trees, and we conveniently arrived at the moment when he started his clean up. It was all good, yo. Then we went to meet his cousin Tim who was working at the local YMCA skate park. I was in "shock and awe" when Brandon was offered a skate board and took off on it wearing shorts, sandals and no helmet. He was all over that place. Considering he hasn't really ever skated in a hard-core skate park before and hasn't even been seriously on a skateboard for about 6 or 7 years, he picked it right up. I was amazed. We then left and went back to talk to Francine for a while, then left to check out the sunset. We went to the Pacific Beach Pier (or the other one, with the Motel rooms on the pier and watched the sun slowly get sucked into the ocean. It was one of the coolest things I have ever seen. I place that with the time that the northern lights exploded in the sky above us one summer day in Edmonton, with purples, yellows, greens, reds. It was as cool as that. We then checked into our hotel. We stayed at the Gaslamp Plaza Suits in Downtown San Diego. It was a nice hotel. It was originally an office building build in 1913, but just recently converted into a hotel. The view from the roof was really cool. We then ventured out to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner and drinks, and then made our way back to the hotel for some really amazing sex. Didn't think I was going to write that, did you! HA, here in Dee's World expect the unexpected! The next day we tried to get on to one of the aircraft carriers, but there were no tours that day. BOO. So we went and spent the day at the San Diego Zoo. We watched bears pee, giraffes pee in each others mouths and give the metal pole inside the cage head. I was expecting to see some monkey's humping or something, but that didn't happen. The rhino came really close though, and you have to be careful. Rhinos can pee up to 20 feed directly behind them. The elephants were burping for almost a whole minute, and Brandon and I were like two kids, cracking up the whole time. We then left the park and stopped at the Whole Foods to get dinner and drove home. I drove and we made it home in 5 hours. That's pretty good coming from San Diego. Then I slept the whole next day. Mmmmmmmm....sleep. So that was my trip to San Diego.

We've been having alot of thunderstorm here lately. We had a pretty bad flood a couple of weeks ago. My area of town wasn't affected, but the city of Las Vega$ did have to declare a state of emergency to get funds to help clean up the mess from the areas that were affected. The weather here has been really strange. I can't remeber out of the 5 summers that I've been here, of seeing so much rain and storms. Not that I'm complaining, I love the rain, and storms are scary/exciting, so bring it on!

The new season of Enterprise is starting, and I was really excited about this new direction it's taking. Until I saw T'Pol's new catsuit. What was wrong with her old one? Why change a good thing? The new one is red. RED! RED! To make matters worse, it looks velour. Like she went to Gap Body while they were docked at Earth and picked up some new sleep wear. She does not match any of the cast, and she seems totally out of place. I guess I'll watch, try to give this new look a chance. I just hope they have her give some sort of explanation for the obvious change in threads. I'm just wincing thinking about it. :(

Well, I guess I've done enough catching up for one night. I really will try to write more, even if I'm the only one listening. To those of you who actually got through that whole post, I commend you.



Love TOX

Say CHEESE

I am very close to getting some more pictures done for my website. This does include pictures from Sabrina's wedding (a whole stinking year ago) and several other events that you guys might get a kick out of.



I went to the Yanni concert a couple of weeks ago. It was really amazing. I never knew I liked Yanni.


I have an ear infection and came home sick from work today because I figured out that you should never take Excedrin on an empty tummy. BOO, HISS.


Just found out that Dr. Vlarg will no longer be on "The Station" at STTE. That is really surprising. He was always one of my favorite Ferengi, besides Groth. Long live GROTH!!!


I saw The Matrix 2, and the only part I didn't really like was the whole sex thing. Don't get me wrong, I liked seeing Neo's butt and all, but the whole scene was too long, and I felt like I wanted to start giggling like Jeff and I did when we were in the 11th grade CALM class talking about flavored lubrication.

Tara's coming to see me! YEY!


My boyfriend is really cute. HEEE HEEE

Interesting.....But Stupid! Part Deux...

Thanks to PVM for giving me this little tidbit...

The Quote you posted was from Laugh-In.
Arte Johnson used to dress as a German soldier and peek out from behind a potted palm and say 'veeeerrrrry interesting' in a good thick German accent. After that catch phrase he would add some commentary on either the scene that had just preceded his or the world in general. One night he was interrupted by Ruth Buzzi, she interjected the '...but stupid' line. After that Arte Johnson would use the whole line 'Verrrry interesting, but STUPID' regularly.

Speaking of stupid, I have a little story for the two people who read my website. The other day, I was getting out of the shower, and I heard a baby crying outside. I didn't really think anything of it because I know that my neighbor had his window open, and he might have a baby and the baby might be crying. That's what babies do. So about 10 minutes pass and this child is still crying. So I go outside on my patio to dust off my shoes (we had been to Red Rock Canyon the day before) and I see a toddler, maybe 2 years old walking around and crying. I look all around. No parents. An alarm goes off in my head. I put the aforementioned shoes on my feet and run outside. As soon as this little boy sees me, he stops crying. He's just totally stunned. It was really windy that day, and I'm sure he was scared standing there by himself, with no adults around. I look up and this woman is looking out her window down at the two of us. I ask her, "Is this your kid?" She replies, "No. Is it yours?" I shudder... "No way. How long as he been out here?" She says, "About 20 minutes. I though the mother was just sitting in the doorway or something, letting the kid cry." At that point I didn't know what to do. Should I take the kid into my house and call the police? I didn't want them to think that I was kidnapping or anything. I decided to go to the couple of condos around me and see if any doors were open or if anyone would want to claim their child. I figured they would freak out if there was a stranger standing at their door holding their child. If it wasn't theirs, they wouldn't think anything of this strange woman holding a child at their door. I knocked on a couple of doors. They weren't home. They must all be weekend warriors. Finally, I find a door wide open with a baby stroller sitting by the door. Gee, this must be it. So I knock really loud, and all I hear is that disturbing AOL voice say.... "GOODBYE" really loud. This man comes to the door and he looks at me and says, "Yes?" I'M HOLDING YOUR FUCKING CHILD IN MY ARMS, AND YOU DON'T KNOW ME. DON'T YOU THINK THAT IS A LITTLE STRANGE? That was my inner dialogue, my polite voice said, "Is this your child?" He laughs... LAUGHS... and says, "Oh, he must have gotten out again." AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I hand him his child in complete shock and walk away. I'm not able to articulate any sort of speech that should have been made at that point. But then again, me not being a parent, and not having my degree in child rearing, I'm glad that I didn't say anything. What if someone would have just come along and taken him? He didn't seem to have a problem with going places with strangers. I had good intentions, but what if someone came along, like a serial killer, or a child molester? THIS IS WHY SO MANY CHILDREN DISSAPEAR EVERY YEAR. The scary thing is that this is the second time something like this has happend that I know of first hand. My mother had a co-worker that found a child, without his shoes on, 4 blocks away from home. It makes me sick to my stomach. I decided to call the Police, just to have them intimidate this man into putting some new locks on his doors. When I called to check to see if they'd visited, the police made a record of the incident, and wrote that, "the father said that he would put new locks on the door." At least it's documented, and maybe he'll think twice about leaving his child alone for long periods of time.



On the lighter side, Leafman just sent me some pictures of Shawk, Laciel and I at Red Rock. I will get those posted when school ends.

Interesting.....But Stupid!

I'm not quite sure where that quote is from, so if anyone knows, email me at deedee0110@yahoo.com.



Tmarth asked me a question in my guestbook about the Grand Slam 2003 pictures, and to be totally honest with everyone, I only took maybe 3. I just wasn't in the mood for taking pictures I guess. I have Spock's Beards' pictures. But that menas that I have to scan them, then reduce them, then post them. That takes about 3 hours that I just don't have, but once school ends, I promise that that will be one of the first things I do.



School ends on May 15. I have two finals that day. The Saturday before finals, I'm going to Mouse Trek. That's where the people from my Star Trek fan club go to Disneyland wearing identical t-shirts and spend the whole freakin day in Disneyland. Should be interesting.



Oh, and Nick, if you are reading this, are you really coming? Let me know if you are, it would be cool to see you. Oh, that goes for anyone else who wants to come visit me. Go for it, just let me know ahead of time so I can arrange for time off work. It's going to be hard enough to get the time off for the Vega$ convention this year.




PVM! Glad to see you visit the site! That nickname, DEETOX, was given to me in high school by my friends Christa and Tara, if I remember correctly. I'll have that picture that I had taken of us at Grandslam up around May 20 or so.

Rainy Day

It's odd to have a rainy day like today in Las Vegas. It's a slow, steady rain. Not the "rain-so-fucking-hard-that-the-mail-boxes-are-floating-down-the-street" kind of rain that we are used to here in sunny LV. My mother told me that it was snowing in Jerusalem today. Is that like a cold day in hell? Has the cold day in hell finally happened? Do all the people who've said, "It will be a cold day in hell before I do such-and-such" have to pay up to their word? I wonder who keeps track of those. I don't think I've ever said that about anything, so I'm safe.



School is hard this semester. I've never gone to school and had a job where I actually had to work before. I know that sounds strange, but think about it. At Star Trek, I had to work for about 3 hours a day. The other 5 were spent on the internet or doing homework. At The Aladdin Hotel and Casino, you are surrounded by lights, noise, zombie public, and 10 hours of standing on your feet, or running around the casino, showing people how to use a slot machine. I'm totally overwhelmed right now. But I seem to not be stressed out. I'm keeping up with school, my boyfriend, my friends and work, but I'm always on the move. Just when I think I can lay back and rest, I think of all the other things that I could be doing at that moment.



I'm taking a Sociology course right now, and in the current chapter we're studying group dynamics. It's amazing to watch how people really interact. How sub-groups form from primary groups, and how people act when they're working for a bureacracy. How totally predictable we all are, and yet we all think we are the most original human beings on the face of the earth. How people in your "in-group" affect your decision making.



I got an email from Jeff yesterday. I haven't heard from him since I was in Edmonton. I checked my aol email after I wrote him back, because I thought that all he did was write trash in my guest book. So if you're reading this, I'm sorry to hear about your Grandfather. I should have called you and we could have gone ice-skating. (For all those people who think that statement is incredibly insesitive, I don't care, because it's an inside joke. Get over it.) He told me that Andy finally broke up with Stephanie. It's about freakin time. She moved to London, for god's sake. She was such a bitch to him before she left. I think you should start batting for the other team, Andy. You and Jeff would make such a cute couple. Then maybe between the two of you, you could grow the balls to come visit me. We would have good times.



I should mention Tara, since all she did was bitch at me about not being in my blog the last time we spoke on the phone. Tara, Tara, Tara, Tara, Tara. There, I mentioned you 6 times, quit your bitching.



Has this posting turned really hostile? I don't know where that came from. I'm pretty mellow today. I think I'll call Andy, see what that boy is up to.

Happy Fucking New Year

Well, it's the beginning of yet another exciting year. Can you tell I'm excited? I'm kind of bitter and hostile right now. Earlier today I was fantasizing about different situations where I would be telling people off. For example: I went grocery shopping with my mother (which always makes me on edge anyway) and I got really pissed when we were unloading the cart, and the stupid girl bagging up the groceries decided she was going to put 5 huge cans in one plastic bag. I was ready to kill. I was ready to march back in there and make a huge scene. I stopped myself. Then, when I saw my upstairs neighbor (the one who's always playing loud music, or movies or his guitar) I was glaring at him. I don't glare at people. That's so not me. When he saw me glaring at him, I could have sworn he said "Sorry" or something like that. Like for that minute, he could read my mind, and all those terrible things that I wanted to say to him.



I went to the gym with Heather, and burned off some steam.



I've just been feeling really.... well.... blah. Not important. Sorry for myself, and I hate that. I hate when people feel sorry for themselves, because only they can make themselves feel like shit, and I know it's my own damn fault. Or maybe it's just PMS. Or maybe it's my very un-tidy room. Something needs to change. School starts on January 21, so that should give me some sort of routine.



I called the unemployment offices a couple of weeks ago, and wasn't expecting to get a check until my severance ran out. I think they'll be sending me a check next week. What to do, what to do. Deposit the check and hope they don't find their mistake? Or be honest, and call them and let them know that i'm still getting severance? I'll probably do the latter, with Karma and all that.



Yesterday was Brandon's birthday, but he was working so we're going to celebrate it tonight. Late, because he's working again. *sigh* He's got an amazing work ethic, I'm just not used to it. Paul was always so lazy about stuff like that.



Next week is my birthday, and I really don't care. I hope everyone just forgets about it, because I'm feeling like I just want to be left alone. See? There I go again with the "feeling sorry for myself" crap. I'd better get over this soon, or I will explode.

Blogger Fart

So blogger decided to fart on me for the last three months, and I finally figured out how to re-install my template so that the freaking thing would work again. God, what a pain in the fuckin ass. I had originally wrote some stuff in late Sept, but hadn't written anything in a while because it wouldn't let me post that last entry. So now it's December 2, 2002 and everything is totally different.



I'd been talking about getting laid off for a while. My co-worker and I would always joke around about how cool it would be to get severence and get to go on unemployment and all that. It would give me the opportunity to be able to go to school full-time, and not have to work, but be able to pay my bills. Well, be careful what you wish for. Star Trek laid me off on November 18. It wasn't just me. It was a whole bunch of people. 17 to be exact. Mostly Managers, leads and hourly support staff for those managers and leads. People who had been there for 5 years! People who had been there for 4 years (like me). No one was spared, not even our director of Human Resources, who was advised about a week before we were that he too would be losing his job. They told us with no notice and then rushed us out of there after we had gone back to our work areas to gather most of our personal items. There was a Town Hall Meeting that day, and they wanted us out before everyone got out of that meeting. It would have been nice to be able to say good-bye to a couple of people. Then again, it was nice to not have to see some people ever again. I'm torn. Let's organize our thoughts, shall we?



I'm angry because:

• I like Star Trek. I liked the product, I liked working for "Paramount", I liked my discount, and I liked having all the free rides I could get on the Experience. I liked being able to take my friends and family there and treat them.
  
• They did it so hastily, without any respect for the fact that we'd been there for a long time.
  
• It was Spongebarb's birthday on November 18. (She was my GM, she was it)
  
• Despite me getting bored with my job, I liked it. It was a routine that I had settled into and was able to do very well. I knew that job inside out.
  
• I liked my co-workers! We would have so much fun!
  
• They had a 5 year celebration on the Friday before the Monday lay-off. There was cake and pop and balloons and everything, even though they all knew that most of us wouldn't be there come Monday.
  
• Even though I get severence, that won't kick in for another 10 days, which will mean that I will have missed 4 paychecks. All of this they did right before Christmas. Nice.
  
• I had just really started paying off my bills, getting things in order, with a plan to move out in a year and a half, and now, that's all shot to shit.
  

I'm happy because:

• I don't have to get up early anymore.
  
• I don't have to work right now.
  
• Most of my friends and my boyfriend have weekends off, and now, so do I.
  
• I have a chance to clear my head, get myself organized, and clean my room for real.
  
• I will get to go to school and finish at CCSN almost a whole year ahead of time, because I'll be taking more classes.
  
• Change is good. Everyone needs a good kick in the ass. Things can never get boring.
  
• I live with my family, and I don't pay rent.
  
• There are some people at Star Trek that I never want to see again, and I won't have to.
  

So there it is. All laid out. That's pretty much the state I'm in right now. I should be happy. I should be jumping for joy. But I feel like I've lost a friend that I never got to say good-bye to. I know, it's stupid. It's amazing how you can get attached to a job. 4 years. I was there longer than I was in high school. (Don't worry, all you US people, high school in Canada is only 3 years.) I've been going to the gym. I've been keeping busy. I'm going to make all my Christmas presents (because I won't have a pot to piss in for a while.) Ok, I'm done with self pity mode. Oh! I have to tell about my trip to the ER!

My Trip To The ER

On Thanksgiving this year, I was sick. I was nauseous, and very encomfortable, so I stayed home. At around 9pm, I finally puked. What a relief, except that I puked up some blood. I know... eeeeewww, but the story just wouldn't be complete without that fact. So I was slightly worried. I was contemplating going to the ER then, but I figured that I felt better, and if it happened again, I would go. So I woke up around 3am and voila! Bingo! But there was actually quite a bit of blood. So, I had to wake up my whole family (who had to work the next day) and we went to the ER. There I was with my blue puke bucket, and Canadian sweatpants limping into the ER at Summerlin Mediacal Center. What a site. They asked me questions, and all that normal doctor stuff. Then, they took blood and put a IV in me. My blood pressure was low and my heart rate was high, which meant that I was pretty dehydrated. So they pumped me full of fluid and anti-puke medicine. I felt much better. The doctor said it was probably just a virus, which lasts a little longer than the flu, and that the blood was from my esophagus being irritated. That was a huge relief. I didn't want to die from internal bleeding or anything. My mom ended up staying home from work (seeing as we didn't get home from this ordeal until 7:30am) and Auntie went in late and came home early. So I ended up having my thanksgiving on Saturday over at Shahnon's house. It was fun. Her turkey was amazing. Heather made her famous garlic mashed potatoes and we got to try Shahnon's special family recipie pickled eggs. We didn't have pumpkin pie, we had pumpkin cheesecake, which was fucking awesome. Yes, that deserved an expletive.

Sir Edward Wiener III

Heather finally got her Wiener dog! He's so cute! He follows her everwhere. To work, to play to everywhere. He's so small! I'll get some pictures of him eventually, I promise.

Brandon

So the boy has a name. We're still together. Everything is going well. He has a new job that he loves, and he loves me too. That's always a good thing. It's hard to find someone you can really be yourself with. Oh, he's pretty cute too. He's everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend. It's kind of scary. I would hate to scare him away because I feel that I'm not good enough for him. I've always had self doubt issues. I'm being dumb, just ignore me.


Well, that's it for now. I think I've given the millions of people who read this site enough to read. *wink*

Continued.... From Sept. 21...


The ICBM that I saw flying over Las Vegas


I don't know if any of you have ever seen an ICBM (Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile) but they are incredibly cool, or amazingly freaky, depending on if you know of their launch ahead of time or not. I was just minding my own business, had just come back from dinner with my friend Jen, and I looked up in the sky. There was this bright glowing trail of gas (or what looked like gas) heading up in the western sky. This little light broke off from it and headed up even farther, only to explode in a puff of white powder (that resembled a flower). Jen and I were freaking out. Well, I was freaking out. I thought it was the end of the world, or WW3, or some other sort of catastrophe. We rushed inside her apartment (after taking a very bad picture of the whole thing) and I called our local police department. They said that it was Vandenburg Air Force Base in California tasting their ICBM's. Now, you'd think, in times like these, that they would warn or at least try to warn us about what we might see in the sky. I ended up calling Vandenburg AFB the next day to ask them exactly that. The public relations guy said that they do a press release when they are dealing with and "unclassified" launch to most of CA and the surrounding area. I told him they should add Las Vegas to the list, because everyone who had never seen this before was freaking out. Here take a look at these pictures of what I saw that night and tell me that you wouldn't be thinking twice about what's going on.




Update on "The Boy"


Well, things are going really well, really really well. He's just the best person ever. I'm in gush mode. We have so much in common, and he's very accepting of how different I can be sometimes. By different, I mean strange. Well I am a Feica, need I say more?




The 15th Aniv. Of Star Trek: The Next Generation Convention (Sept. 27, 28, and 29, 2002)


Here I go again! This time I'm off to Pasadena, my favorite city in the US! I'll only be able to go on the Saturday and Sunday, but I'm really looking forward to it! I've never seen Patrick Stewart (Captian Picard) in person before, I might faint like a schoolgirl at a New Kids On The Block concert (and yes, I did see them too.) They are going to be auctioning off a visit to the Enterprise set at this con. God help my credit card! But thanks to an early birthday present from my loving Mom and Aunt, that dream might be a reality. We'll see.




School: Why my Physics teacher sucks, and why Physics teachers shouldn't suck.


I was taking one class this semester, a class that was a basis for my major and the teacher absolutely blew donkey balls. All he did was take over-head projector slides with the graphs from the book on them, and read what was written underneath the graphs. I could have done that at home. If I wanted someone to read a text book to me, I wouldn't have paid them $225 to do that, and that's basically what he did. So screw that. I can't learn in an environment like that. I got my money back for the books and I'm working on getting my money back for the class. If any of you go to CCSN, do not take Wilson for Physics. You hear ME! Spread the word.


So that's it for now. I'm sure I'll have more after this weekend. Smell ya later...
[edit]

[9/21/2002 2:17:38 PM | dee tox]


Hoser

I haven't written in here for a while. Alot has taken place, I think. I'll try to put together in chronological order what has been going on. I might go off on tangents though. Just a warning. Oh yeah, lets do a list for points to come!



The Slanted Fedora "Party" Sept 6,7 and 8, 2002

Heather's Wedding (Oct. 6,2002)

The Enterprise Season Premire (Sept. 18, 2002)

The ICBM that I saw flying over Las Vegas. (Sept 19, 2002)

Update on 'The Boy'

The 15th Aniv. Of Star Trek: The Next Generation Convention (Sept. 27,28 and 29, 2002)

School: Why my Physics teacher sucks, and why Physics teachers shouldn't suck.




The Slanted Fedora "Party"


This was a party that was planned instead of the huge convention that they were planning on having before Creation had theirs a month earlier. He had to scale it down, due to several factors. Many of the actors did not want to fly around Sept. 11, the convention a month before was a huge sucess and not as many people bought tickets for the SF one, and probably because Dave Scott (owner of SF) is not a very organized man. There was no admission to this convention, it was on donation basis only. There was only about 500 people there (usually you can expect 5000 at a big con) so access to the stars was great. Who was there you might ask? Armin Shimmerman (Quark from DS9), John DeLancie (Q from TNG), Wil Wheaton (Wesley Crusher from TNG - Duh), Robert Picardo (The Doctor from Voyager), Ethan Phillips (Neelix from Voyager), Marina Sirtis (Deanna Troi from TNG), Alexander Siddig (Dr. Bashir from DS9), Jerry Doyle (Garabaldi from B5), Walter Koening (Chekov from TOS), Nicole DeBoer (Ezri Dax from DS9), Garrett Wang (Ensign Kim from Voyager), Casey Biggs (Damar from DS9), Aron Eisenburg (Nog from DS9), Andrew Robinson (Garak from DS9), Denise Crosby (Tasha Yar from TNG and maker of the documentary "Trekkies") and several other various Star Trek and Sci-Fi stars. Oh! I almost forgot J.G Hertzler and Robert O'Reilly (Martok and Gowron respectively, both from TNG mainly) hosted Klingon Karoke. That's where several stars got on stage and sang. The most interesting moment was when Walter Koening dressed up in bonnet and an aprin and sang a sappy country song. Talk about random. It was bizzare. I had several pictures taken with various stars like Wil Wheaton (which there is a story behind, but just bare with me, I'll get to it), Alexander Siddig (hottie), Andrew Robinson, Robert Picardo, Ethan Phillips, and the guy from Farscape (Sorry Sally, I don't watch it, but I sympathize!).


Now for the Wil Wheaton story. I'm not sure if I mentioned that I met him at the Grandslam 2002 in March. Well, I had bought one of his "William Fucking Shatner" T-Shirts and brought it with me for him to sign. He signed it, "Wil Fucking Wheaton," which was pretty cool. So I decided to wear the shirt to the convention to see if he would remember me. So what does he say when I walk up to his table? He yells out and points, "Hey! I know you! I remember that shirt!" and he shook my hand and we talked for about 5 minutes (while there was a line forming behind me). Of course, we talked about how he's going to be at the TNG con at the end of the month because of all the traffic to his website. So then we had our picture taken, and he asked me my name. When I told him he said that he was going to remember me. I was thinking, "Riiiiight, whatever dude..." SO... later when I met up with Brandon *sigh* we were walking past his booth and he yelled out, "DeeDee!" So I went over there and we chatted some more, and his assistant asked me to run a quick errand. So I did and we moved on. Later on in the evening, during the picture session, Wil called me over again to show his wife my shirt. Then we all had another picture taken with the "rock" horns, it was pretty cool. So we'll see if he remembers me at the next TNG con. I don't want to seem like a stalker, I don't really know him. There's just so much that I want to talk to him about, he's got such a knack for creative writing, that he just draws his readers in.





Heather's Wedding


Heather is one of my best friends, and she's getting married on Oct. 6, 2002. That's just over 2 weeks away, and I don't have an outfit yet. It's going to be a Pagan ceremony, with various other middle eastern aspects to it. She's having two "priests", one male and one female to represent the God the The Goddess. I can't wait, it's going to be so beautiful. The guy she is marrying is really just the "bomb" yo. James is too cool. The two of them are going to have a beautiful life together. If there was a template from which all couples would base their marriage, theirs should be it. Loving, kind, silly, random, funny, open. Pure bliss, those two have it.




The Enterprise Season Premire


Well, I loved it! There were a few scenes that made me cringe. Ex. When Archer gives his "humans are like gazelles" speech. That was almost as bad as the "Some kind of .... Directive" speech he made it "Dear Doctor." But T'Pol speech about how flawed the Vulcans are gave me goose bumps. It was so cool to see her get on humanity's side for once. There is a real bond developing between T'Pol and Archer. And getting to see Daniels is always a treat! He is just the coolest person in RL. I spotted him in "Galaxy Quest" a couple of weeks ago when I watched it again. I wonder if he knew how closely his future career would mirror that particular role. Getting back to Shockwave, Part II; I only had a couple of questions. Did Daniels really go back to his century when he tricked Silik into bringing him back? Since when was Silik such a spineless wimp, whining about not being able to contact the 'Future Guy'? How did Archer break that spook apart and pound that metal into slices that were, "no bigger than a mm thick?" Maybe they were counting on that fact that most of the USA would not know how thin a mm is, and wouldn't think twice about it. But being the anal ST fans that we all are, you'd think the writers would know better, or maybe they just don't care. I'm not sure if I like the way Trip is developing, he's always just pissed off and yelling at everyone all the time. He needs to calm down, and stop being such a stereotypical redneck. He's still cute as a button though. Reed had a pretty small role this time around, but he did a really good job at playing the "I'm getting beaten up" part. All in all, good episode. We'll see about next week, where we learn that T'Pol's grandmother was on earth during the 50's or 60's.




Well as luck would have it, I have to get back to work. I'll finish those other points tomorrow...

[edit]

Spaghetti

So Brandon made me dinner last night. Not warmed up some food, but actually made pasta sauce from scratch. It was the best stuff I have ever tasted in my life. And yes, Tara, I had Spaghetti ring! I ate too much though, and got heartburn, but what are you going to do? I also tried some Superfood this morning. It's this organically grown powder stuff that can be used as a meal replacement. Of course, I had it mixed with freshly squeezed orange/grapefruit juice. It was ok. Not something I'd order if I were at a restaurant, but it gave me the energy I needed this morning to get my ass out and about. I'm going to a BBQ with that boy tonight, so I can hear stories about his antics at his previous job. Should be interesting to say the least. ***smile*** Oh dear, there goes the smiles again.

The power of Star Trek fans

It reminds me of those "The Power of Cheese" commercials. It's amazing to me how people can get togther and make something happen. On Thursday, Wil Wheaton posted on his site (click here) about why he was cut from attending the 15th Aniv. of Star Trek: The Next Generation Convention next month in Pasadena. It was a bitter tale of money and hard luck. I was drawn in, and felt I needed to voice my anger directly to Creation Entertainment. So on Thursday afternoon, I called Creation. I talked to a lady who told me that all the people that I could complain to were in a "meeting." (Basically, giving me the run around.) So I proceded to tell her that I was dissapointed in the fact that Wil Wheaton was not going to be at the Convention next month, and that I had already bought tickets to the event, when I found out he was going to be there. (His name was listed on the site a couple of weeks ago, and was suddenly taken off.) I told her that she should read Wil's website, where he called Creation cheap (not an exact quote) and felt he had been snubbed by the people who worked there. She was appalled that he would write such things on his website, and told me that Creation is not like that at all. I scoffed, and told her that I would like the email of the person who deals with the talent, so that I could give them a piece of my mind. Conventions used to be about the fans, not about the money. I also had a friend who wrote to Adam Malin (president of Creation) , and expressed his disappointment at this particular move. Well, Creation listened. After tonnes of email, phone calls and faxes, Adam Malin called up Wil personally,and gave him a better offer. And now, Wil Wheaton is going to be at the convention! It only took 2 days, and we totally hooked him up! I'm so proud of us nerds. I suggest you read his site, as he's a much better writer than I, to get the full story on what took place. As a Wil Wheaton fan, I'm thrilled! I'll have to wear my William Fucking Shatner T-Shirt that I got from his website to the convention. That's the one that he signed "Wil Fucking Wheaton." He has such a huge internet fan base, it's incredible.



On to other matters, I talked to Paul today, and he's doing well. He's just as busy (if not busier) as I am.



I finally got in touch with Andy, but our call was cut short by Nano. Damn you, Nano. God forbid Andy should learn how to play the guitar any other day of the week. *wink* But Andy pointed something out that really stuck with me. He said that this last time that I went up, It was really hard to say good-bye. Harder than any other time I've visited. I totally agree. When I finally said good-bye to everyone on that Sunday (after seeing Austin Powers 3 with them), I cried all the way back to the hotel. I cried harder than I've cried in a long time. I released so much, dumped all those expectations of staying there. I was even thinking of somehow trasfering to the University of Alberta. I was seriously considering it. Why? Because it's familiar, safe. I've got such an amazing bunch of friends up there, they have no idea how much they all still mean to me, even after living here in Vegas for 4 years.




Also, I went over to Brandon's friends house for dinner Thursday night. Robert and Susie are big Trek fans, and they are really cute because they just got married! Their living room is covered in Trek goods, and sci-fi bits. I could have looked around there for days. Susie made an amazing meal, seafood pasta, with every kind of seafood you could imagine. They are really cool people, and they have a beautiful home. Another really cool thing is that they are going to be on TLC's "A Wedding Story" sometime in October. I love that show. They had their wedding at Star Trek: The Experience. Now that is cool. A fully themed Star Trek Wedding. That sounds like something I would (or will) do, if I ever get married. I'm in no rush though. *smile*




Want to know something really fucked up about CCSN? Their book store is not open on the Saturday before classes start! I am so pissed. This means that I'm going to have to spend half the day Wednesday getting my book. *anger* Of course, I realize that I could have gotten the book before the first week of class. But I was so busy.




I saw the director's cut of the movie "Legend" with Tom Cruise. Interesting. I'm not a huge fantasy fan, but it reminded me of "The Never-ending Story" which is one of my favorite fantasy flicks. That and "Willow." Ahhh, memories. Oh! What about "The Dark Crystal?" Classic. Those are the only fantasy movies I can think of right now.



So that's it from this side of the hood, peace out.

School

It starts next week. I've decided to take only one class this semester because I need to get my life in order before I decided to stress myself out over school. I'll be taking Engineering Physics. I'm not all that excited about it. You know how I can tell? By now, I would have bought all my textbooks and supplies, and I haven't even thought of it. There is a new college opening up here in Las Vegas. It's cheaper than UNLV, but more expensive than community. They offer 4 year programs, so I'll have to check them out. I think it's called Nevada State University.

I tried to call Andy last night, but he had just left. BASTARD! No, just kidding, I love you Andy! So I'll try to call him tonight. I haven't talked to anyone from Edmonton since the trip (except for Tara, the night I got back.) I've just been so busy! I keep meaning to get the pictures of the wedding up on the site (oh, and I also have to add the pictures that defiantnx sent me for the Vega$ con) but it's such a task. Oh well... They'll get up some time or another.

Smell ya later homes...

Long Goodbye

^^^ They are wonderful and heart wrenching at the same time. I've been able to only get roughly 5-6 hours of sleep a night (sometimes less) for the past couple nights, and I'm somehow still alive. You've got to love Red Bull. My mom is afraid that drink is going to kill me, she gave me a little speech about it, but I'm not mixing it with alcohol, so It's ok.

I've made absolute plans to go to the 15th Aniv. of TNG next month in Pasadena! I'll finally get to see Patrick Stewart! I've been to about 8 conventions, and I've never been able to see him. I bought an autograph ticket for James Cromwell (who played Zephram Cochrane in FC and Enterprise; The inventor of warp drive for the human race) and it's too cool, because he's on my SevTrek poster. I have about 50 autographs on there now. It's my pride and joy, well, besides the Dominic Keating poster, which I still have to get framed.

***smiles***

Hmmmm... ***Smiles*** Today is a good day. I went to a really great club last night, they played all the old school music I used to listen to when I was in high school, and of course, you can't go wrong when they play Sarah McLachlan for 10mins. Happy birthday Grey! The Colombia meeting was good. It was interesting to see the reactions of "normal" people when they see "other" people dressed in Star Trek outfits. Saw some really good costumes. You go Dr. Phlox! I didn't get home until about 4am, but I'm just high on life so it's all good in the hood. ;)

Smell ya later...

Work

You know what I like about my job? I go into my breakroom (which is aptly named 'Ten Forward') and there is a Borg reading a newspaper. I'm so easily amused.

Dee

The boy

Ok, so I have to admit this. I can't stop thinking about the boy. I don't want to seem like a stalker, but he's really pushed some buttons that haven't been pushed in a long time. I just erased half of what I was going to write because I'm being stupid. I don't know, I need to go for a walk or something, or for a swim, or for a skydive. SOMETHING. Anything to just make this feeling of needing to see him go away. Not completely, but enough so that I can function as a normal human being. I did clean my room today, and I'm going to finish it tomorrow. You might think that got my mind off things, but no. I'm pretty sure the only reason I cleaned my room was so that he could come and see it some time. God, I'm being so stupid. I feel like I'm 17 again. (I'm talking like it was that long ago...) I really am as giddy as a school girl. Maybe I'll call Heather. Then we can go for a walk in the desert.

Smell Ya Later..

Dee

Cleaning

I found out what happens if you register early and don't pay for your classes on time, they just go ahead and un-register you. When I went to check for my classes a couple of days ago, I was shocked to find out that I wasn't registered for the fall at all. But, I called the school, and I registered for the class I want to take. I'm only taking one this semester, I need a break. I'll be taking Physics 181. Finally, I'm going to be taking a class that has something to do with my major; well, math does, but I'm always taking a math class, so that doesn't count.

I've lost 5lbs this week. Whooooooo Hoooo!

I'm going to start to clean my room today, for reals yo. It's just getting stupid now.

Smell ya later...

Dee

Spongebarb Redpants

^^^Don't ask.

So the dates went really well, and yes, there was more than one. ***smiles*** Although I won't go into too much detail, because I just found out tonight that he read my site! We just had a really great time. We have alot in common, and he's a really nice guy. He's pretty cute too. ***smiles***

I'm going out to one of my first Star Trek Fan Club gatherings on Friday, and most of the people there will be dressed up in Star Trek gear. It's not required, but it's encouraged. I'm out of luck, I don't really have a uniform. I'm planning on being able to fit into the T'Pol uniform by February (the SF con). I've totally lost my appetite. I couldn't even eat all of James' salmon on Monday night.

Our last clinic was really good. We did alot of releasing of negative energy, and I think that may be why I have lost the urge to eat. This whole week has been one release after another. Whew! I can't wait for it to be over!

I had a strange dream tonight about the TrekBBS. (I know, if you start to dream about a website, you should probably leave it for a while) We were all in these tunnels, and we were able to watch ourselves through these cameras, but I could only see the people who I knew in real life. Which is pretty appropriate. But it was freaky, and I can't say that it was a joyous occasion, I think we were running for our lives. But then Brandon called, and brought me back from the depths of panic. ***smiles***

Ok, I've done enough smiling here to make everyone barf (all 3 of you). I'll post more when I have something to say. Or if I just feel like blah-ing.

Dee

I know, I'm bad

To those two people who actually read this, sorry I haven't posted in a while. Summer has been very busy!

I just got back from Edmonton, where I saw my friends Sabrina and Jonas get married! They are the first out of all of us to tie the knot. They've been together since the 7th or 8th grade, so good for them! I had a blast, saw alot of people, did alot of stuff. I didn't want to leave. It's always sucks to leave, but I know I can't stay. If only some of those people could move down here, now that would be fun.

I was just at a Star Trek convention, where I had a fantastic encounter with Dominic Keating. I ended up winning a bid for this really sexy picture of him, and he personalized it and everything! I even got a kiss in front of the whole crowd, and another backstage! It was really cool. I ended up meeting up with about 10 people from the Trek BBS site that I go to, and we all had great fun! You can see the pictures if you click the menu to the left that says "Conventions", then click on the third link. I met people from all over the US and even someone from Scotland! I think we're all talking about meeting up again (when we all have money) at another convention, which would be really cool.

Let's see, Paul is seeing someone else, I have a date tonight... hmmm... I finally finished Heather's birthday present. I thought I would just make it her wedding present, because her wedding is on Oct. 6. She is hand making all of her invitations using stamps and embossing powder. They look really nice, but they take a long time.

It was Shannon's birthday yesterday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANNON!

I saw Signs a couple of nights ago, and that movie scared the crap out of me! I screamed 4 times in the theatre, and I've never done that. It was a fantastic movie, scary, emotional, funny and contemplative. All the things that I absolutely love in a movie.

Barry's pictures from Comic Con are up on his website Omnibuscortex.com. Even if you don't know Barry, they are very interesting to say the least.

I found out Wil Wheaton is not going to be in ST:X! That sucks!

That's it for now...

Dee